Do you dream of this amazing person with a fantastic body coming into your life and fixing everything wrong around you?
Let me break your fantasy bubble and say they might change everything around you, but you will be the same on the inside.
The only person who can change that is you. So why don’t you become that amazing person for yourself and live happily, without expecting other people to fit in your mold of perfect for you to love them?
First, Love Your Self
Love yourself
Such simple words can be so challenging to implement.
Sometimes because of what other people say and most times because of our narrative to ourselves in our heads.
This battle with ourselves is one of the toughest, yet most important one.
Have you ever tried watering plants with a broken tumbler?
It drains faster, and no matter how much we fill, it cannot hold anything.
We need to let love come from inside and heal ourselves to allow our garden to flourish. Only then can we give our beautiful flowers to others.
Only when we accept ourselves and love ourselves can we help others in need.
Self love is showering our own self with love and care.
Others’ grass would look greener because we don’t water ours daily.
What is self love?
The love that we give to ourselves.
It may seem a little out of the earth for some people who have not experienced it or haven’t acknowledged it.
It’s a kind of soft way of talking to yourself with love.
Self love is a way of showing love to yourself by being your best friend and taking care of your mind, body and soul.
So, just like you would smile at your people, you would give water to a person in need and massage your grandparents’ sore muscles.
You should smile at yourself in the mirror, drink water regularly to keep your body hydrated and take a hot bath every once in a while to give a pause to your hectic schedule.
Self love is taking care of yourself.
Why self love is important?
As it is important to forgive others, be kind to others, and give love to others, it is more important to forgive ourselves, be kind to ourselves, and give to ourselves.
How can a person who is broken fill in for another person?
So realizing what you don’t like about yourself and asking how you can feel differently about it should be thought upon. It is essential to healing ourselves.
Traveling this long journey of life without understanding ourselves would be like walking while wearing a shoe with a needle in it.
At one point, you’ll start bleeding, and you will have to stop for aid. The love that comes from the inside towards ourselves gives us the strength to stand on our own, be confident and unshakable.
Self love is healing ourselves and being our biggest supporters.
It is as important as it is watering plants daily, fertilizing them quarterly and toiling the soil monthly. The plants will be happier and healthier.
How to love yourself first?
There is a point in our lives when we give to weight or more importance to other people’s words than our own or the people who truly love us. We start doubting all the things that make us who we are.
Have you met a person who is unapologetically themselves? Online or offline? Do you remember the feeling of being the same around them? Just being with them makes you feel like you can be who you are too.
We need to fill our flaws in the form of cracks with gold self love. When we are rebuilt, we will look like this beautiful jar.
Loving another person without loving ourselves is like filling a cup from a jar in which water is leaking. There will come a point when you famish.
There will be nothing left in your hands to give and you will feel empty.
There will be absolutely nothing left for you to see and love and embrace and love about yourself.
It is so easy lashing ourselves with hurtful words when we are not able to fulfill our expectations.
It is easy to go into the dark tunnel of negative thoughts when things don’t go our way.
It starts to take a toll when you stay there for a long time.
You were supposed to get out of there and learn from your mistake.
Instead, you keep walking deeper in the tunnel, saying the same narrative to yourself, sinking into the mud.
No matter how loudly the people whom you love truly love and who love you dearly, scream you are perfect, from outside the tunnel, you are reluctant and think it is because they love me they say that.
Why is self-love so difficult?
It gets really tough when other people are bashing us with words on our faces.
Sometimes your esteem goes down and sometimes the repercussions of hitting them would be too high.
There are times we can go down in the spiral of thoughts of what we don’t like about ourselves.
It is difficult to see the good things about ourselves when we make mistakes, and other people point sharply at our flaws. We are already low because of the mistake made, and then people slash us with words, and we feel more bad and sad about ourselves.
After pondering and learning from our mistakes, we must remind ourselves of the good points about ourselves and get back up again.
Speaking the same language as the people who don’t appreciate us is easy.
Talking to ourselves as our best friends in difficult times is hard.
Be your own best friend.
The most important thing here is how do you talk with yourself? Talk a little softly. It’s not necessarily what other people are saying is true.
I would suggest that you remove the attachment to it.
You are not fat. You have fat on your body.
You are not dark. Your skin has a dark color.
No matter what you do, there will always be something that other people won’t like.
Our flaws make us beautiful, not the perfections.
Also, you should not expect some prince charming or gorgeous queen to come and rescue you from the castle of self pity and self hatred and then everything will be sunshine and rainbows.
Of course, people are there to help.
I mean, I cannot say I would have been able to move even an inch if I wouldn’t have listened to songs that talked about the stories of these artists, how they have the same fears as me and how they are walking through it and fighting it and winning over them.
You do need a hand that holds yours to walk you outside the tunnel of dark thoughts that we have created for ourselves.
You must, and I repeat, MUST love yourself for any relationship to work otherwise, the day of break up is not too far away. To love ourselves means to respect others’ boundaries. It helps us not obsess over why the other person does not give us enough time and focus on ourselves.
The only person you should be comparing yourself to is you. So stop thinking about how you are not that other person because you are not. Walk on your path, at your pace and you will be just fine. Everyone has some things going on in their life that you don’t know about. We should appreciate the opportunities and battles we are presented with and fight them with what we have. Stop comparing yourself to others
How to love yourself and be confident
1. Consume good stuff, be it food or media. Try new food or artists
2. Talk to yourself as your best friend would.
3. Read good books that help you make your mindset better.
4. Do things that make you happy for just 1 minute in the whole day
5. Take your pen and sketch a flower.
6. Run for a minute every morning
7. Play your favorite songs and shake your booty
8. Talk with people who love you and ask what they like about you
9. Make friends with good people.
Observe the people you are hanging out with. See their pattern of talking. If it is negative, ask them to talk about something else. If it still continues, reduce the time and frequency you meet them.
10. Meditate
11. Journal
Write one thing that you did that day that you loved about yourself.
12. Walk a minute daily after having a meal
13. Help with household chores
14. Keep your surroundings clean
15. Give your room a makeover
16. Essencify the room.
Buy incenses and candles to fill your place with the fragnance you love. Change the mood of your room.
17. Self-awareness is crucial at this time
To realize that this pattern of thinking that you are not enough is not going to take you to a better place, and you need to get out of this tunnel because no matter how much another person says negative stuff about you, at least you should be the one person who thinks you are enough, perfect and beautiful with all your flaws and perfections.
That melody, that voice, those words were BTS in my story. I felt as if I was accepted for everything I was. I found the place I belonged to. How easily they understood how I was feeling and comforted me and convinced me to get out of the dark, destructive place. They held my hand, and through every dark and brightest moment, they’ve been with me.
I’m still on that journey and I see the light now. It’s still a bit far, but I see the light. You will find stories, songs, poems, people in your life that will prove to be the warmth you need and be the light to take you towards a better place.
It is very important to choose your tribe. being alone is better than being with the people who make you feel too bad or too good about yourself. Yes, we have to stumble and get hurt and get back up to be more aware of the relationships, to see the red lights clearly. But we have to go through that to learn and be better.
Sometimes this strength comes from inside and you might not even need anyone to become better.
So say to yourself that you are a very hardworking, loving person, and you must keep walking on your path.
Believe in yourself. Love yourself a little more. Compliment yourself.
Yes, you are doing a great job.
You look more beautiful with that bright smile.
So look in the mirror, smile, and say, I love myself and I’m beautiful.
Say it whenever you find yourself in the loop of negative thoughts again.
Go easy on yourself.
I’m sure the day when you’ll be basking in the sunlight and dancing with your people far away from the dark tunnel. I wish you to heal and feel the warmth in your heart and show that beautiful smile of yours to spread hope, love and faith.
Remember- Talk to yourself in a way as you would with your best friend.
Ask yourself one question and make a separate book for answering it.
Ask yourself, “what is one thing you loved about yourself today?”.
Answer this every day, and you will find reasons to love yourself again.
Go down in the comments and let me know how where are you on this journey and what are your ways to love yourself.
Know you are loved.