How to talk to anyone when you are shy and an introvert

Hi there, how are you doing? Don’t you think the weather is too hot today? So what have you been up to lately? 

Do these “small talks” make you so nervous that you avoid meeting people in general? Unless you are suffering from social anxiety (please take professional help), this article is for you. 

Keep scrolling to get tips on how to talk to anyone.

How to talk with strangers

How many times do we have to “talk” with people daily? 

None, you’ll say in this corona era. 

When someone visits you at home, do you run to the bathroom or pretend to be busy just to avoid the awkward conversation? 

In a public setting, you bury your head in the phone, truly wishing that no one comes to talk to you? 

Oh my god, How do I know all this? 

Because been there done that. 

Trust me, there is so much you are missing out on just because you didn’t say hello to that person who you’ve been looking back at the whole event. 

I don’t want to be like your parents, forcing you to have a conversation with your peers. While you are comfortable in the corner pretending to be busy on the phone, drinking something you’ve been holding since the moment you entered the venue. 

There are times when we are just not feeling like it. But during the other times when you are just feeling lazy, challenge yourself to get out of your cozy bubble and have that conversation. 

Just say, Hey, I like your dress or hair or something else that catches your eye.

You never know where the conversation will go and how much new you’ll learn about things and that person. 

Maybe next time you go to an event, you’ll have a friend to talk to.

How to talk to someone for the first time?

I will not include myself in the social butterfly group. 

But humans are social animals, and there are times when we all want to meet other people, have a little party and do something which is not a daily chore. 

When I first used to go to social events, I would stick with my parents until someone approached me or saw a friend who would rescue my parents.

I have a rule.

When something is holding you back, leave all the things aside and do that one thing first. 

Embarrassment is better than feeling regret.

Instead of sitting there thinking of running away from that situation, face it with all your might. Gift yourself an upgraded version of yourself and maybe a good friend too. 

Stop worrying and start living.

When you want to talk to someone but can’t

Some incidents happen in our life that retrieves us in our shells and make us not want to talk to anyone. 

It’s important to be your best friend at that time and understand yourself better. 

There are times when it has been too long since you have stepped out of the house and spoke with a stranger. 

You get afraid of making a mistake and worry about making a fool of yourself. You have to understand that this will just constrain you to become the best version of yourself.

But sooner or later, whether you want to or not, you must get out of that shell and have conversations with people.

After being in a dark phase for a long time, I grew desperate to understand why I am so scared of talking to people.

I turned to my all-time rescuer- BOOKS. 

 After reading multiple cheat sheets, the only things I could take away were to get out, start talking and be a good listener. 

Go out there and start talking.

It will be nerve-wracking, and some people will be so in their world that they won’t respond. Someone might be like you (afraid to talk to strangers), and someone might have a wrong impression of you. Some won’t even reply to what you said. 

Be patient and loving to yourself in those times. You will eventually sit beside someone with whom talking becomes natural, and you don’t have to think about anything. You will have a great time with the drink in your hand, finished.

You will sit beside someone with whom conversation is as smooth as butter on a hot pan, and you’ll end up having a great time.

And maybe that one person is enough for that event. Next time you can try talking to other people and remind yourself not to be harsh on yourself. 

What to talk to strangers?

A better question would be how to listen to strangers. After you gather your courage and introduce yourself, you can start talking about the event. 

Now here’s the thing, if good questions are asked in a non-creepy way, anyone would be willing to talk about themselves. How to do that, you ask? 

1. Be genuine about your questions, i.e., ask them what you really want to know. Without going overboard and asking too personal stuff and 
2. Be you, i.e., don’t pretend to be someone you are not.

If someone is curious about you, wouldn’t you be willing to answer where you bought that dress from? 

Exactly. 

People love talking about themselves, and you must be willing to listen to their opinions.

See, this article is not about sleazy ways to get someone talking. It is about getting you out of your head and into a conversation to build connections, have a better experience and to upgrade yourself.

So don’t sit there making a list of things on what must I talk about. 

So much that you start sounding like an interrogator. 

Calm down. Take a deep breath. Let the conversation flow. 

So what to talk to strangers? 

1. Anything that comes to your mind, but filter your words to not be hurtful or too personal.
2. Having a good conversation with people is a two-way road. They must be equally or more interested than you are in the conversation. There might be times when they are not willing to talk. It is to be kept in mind that it’s not on you. It’s just that they are having a bad day and might not be interested in talking to you. 
3. Take your cue and meet people you think might be interested in talking to you, instead of torturing yourself on that one thing that went down with this one person.

How to get out of comfort zone

Don’t give excuses that you are an introvert. 

God knows there are millions of introverts out there, having conversations with strangers and having a blast at it. I mean, we introverts love to observe people, don’t we.

I feel introvertedness is a superpower that brings the most out of ourselves if only we can tap into it.

Don’t use your introvertedness as an excuse to retract in your shell. Recharge yourself for the party and have fun. Trust me you wont regret it.

Have conversations in person.

There is something else about having conversations with people in real life. If you are too afraid to do that, you can go ahead with texting. 

Although I’d recommend talking using words from your mouth. 

There are many websites and apps out there where two strangers can talk without identifying anyone. 

You can start from there in the corona times so that when the world is hopefully open to siesta, you are ready to talk to new people and not be too harsh on yourself. 

People who talk less

Self-awareness is an underrated practice. Knowing who you are helps you navigate through life situations smoothly without being too hard on yourself. So for me, realizing that I am an introvert made me realize that it is just the way I am.

The Powerful Purpose of Introverts: Why the World Needs You to Be You by Holly Gerth helped me understand what an introvert really is and I highly recommend you to read it to understand how an introvert really functions. It might help understanding yourself or a close person who is an introvert.

To share some insight introvertedness is not a speculative theory but a behavior affected by hormones in the brain. 

She says that if the hormone dopamine is caffeine then acetylcholine is herbal tea.

Introverts prefer acetylcholine and hence they hunt for quiter spaces. Large doses of dopamine can make them uneasy after a long while. That’s why after a social event, we are exhausted. 

In contrast, an extrovert feels better with dopamine and acetylcholine in large doses makes them uneasy. Hence they feel energetic after attending social events.

That is it. It does not dictate that you cannot have a conversation or socialize.

I read lots of books and watched videos to understand why am I afraid and nervous about talking to people on the phone or in person. I read How To Win Friends And Influence People, which I highly recommend you read, giving me confidence that I can have a good conversation.

How to make small talk with strangers

I went to this event, and I will admit that I was standing alone, literally. Other people were mingling with each other, and there I was, literally standing alone. Now, if I had gone unprepared, I would have no idea how I would have reacted to this situation. 

But as I knew that no one would talk to me unless I do, I was comfortable standing alone. 

Over time, a few friends arrived and invited me over to sit with them. We talked small talk, as expected, and there was a lot of awkward silence, which I knew was going to happen, but I stayed. 

I still found myself running away from people every once in a while. Still, I kept reminding myself not to take myself seriously and not get offended and make a fool of myself.

1. Believe your intuition

I suggest you talk to strangers doesn’t mean you enter a conversation with a dangerous or toxic person. If you feel that this person is not someone you want to talk to. DON’T.

2. Join clubs or groups of your interests

Go to places where you can meet people with similar hobbies. 

3. Don’t go overboard

Make sure you don’t make the person uncomfortable with too personal stuff during your first meet. Also, don’t ask them questions that will put them in a position to talk about their personal emotions.

How to talk to new people

Introvert, extrovert or ambivert, everyone at the end of the day is just a human who needs people to interact with and experience new moments. 

When I was in college, my personality was taken to be anything but sociable. When I went to another town for further studies, I challenged myself to change. So however small talk it was, I started talking with my classmates, who slowly became good friends and one of the best people I met in my life.

1. Stop giving yourself the excuse of being an introvert and hence unable to initiate a conversation. 
2. All you have to have is the willingness to go out there and talk. 

I am an introvert too, and going out and talking with people was not even on the list of things that I wanted to do. 

But I soon realized that this is just restraining me from having meaningful conversations with beautiful humans. 

3. We need to connect with people to find a new version of ourselves.

Getting out of your shell and comfort is the scariest thing. 

As the quote says, comfort is good, but nothing grows there.

There might occur certain events in your life that take your taste away to speak with anyone. Especially, loss of a loved one. After duly grieving, take your time and when you feel you are ready

 1. Remember to take small steps.

Taking drastic steps can be scary. 

After not talking to anyone for a long while, talking to someone suddenly can be nerve-wracking. 

So I would suggest going in the Kaizen style. One small step at a time. 

2. Just take one minute every day to visualize 

Visualize having a conversation with a person with a similar interest. 

How do you feel about that? What would you talk about? If there is something they say that doesn’t correspond to your beliefs, don’t be offended. They are just expressing their opinion and do not mean to attack you in any way.

Like I visualized my talk around food because I love talking about it, and so does everyone else. 

What is your favourite food? Favourite dessert? They’ll ask you the same. 

Then questions will be asked that both of you were curious about each other. You will be surprised by the similarities, and slowly you will become acknowledged and may be good friends. 

3. Don’t be offended

Don’t take it personally if someone wants to stop the conversation and leave. Observe if you did something offensive or made a displeasing comment. Also, if you don’t feel comfortable continuing the conversation, say ‘It was nice meeting you’ and don’t hesitate to walk away.

How can I be better at conversation

In this book, the author suggests to 

1. Forgive yourselves and others

 We walk with a heavy heart and busy heads if there is something that is bothering us. 

Sit down and list 10 people or deeds you want to forgive. 

The author suggests not dwelve deep into the act you are forgiving as your conscious knows, and there is no future in visiting the past which will hurt you again. 

As you start to forgive yourself and others, this behavior slips into daily life. You will begin to forgive people for yelling at you and not make a scene and not take anyone seriously. There are times when you have to react, but the other trivial times when our silence can save our energy. Go ahead and do that.

Forgiveness makes us calm and lights which leads to a happy heart and a better decision-making brain. You will find it easier to talk with difficult people instead of going into your shell again. We are the masters of our emotions, and so you should move on and try to meet cheerful and friendly people.

2. Visualize

Have a good mindset. If you enter a conversation thinking ‘They won’t like me and are not interested to talk to me. I am a boring person, and they will run away from me as soon as I say Hello.’ 

I need you to stop there and change that talk. 

Say ‘People like me, and I like people, and this is going to be okay.’

Enter the conversation with a positive mindset, and you are good to have a great conversation or not go too hard on yourself if it doesn’t.

Remind yourself that what matters here is that you are getting out of your comfort zone and talking with people. 

Not to make a survey of how everyone is responding. But you have to see if your words are not hurting or offending anyone. Remind yourself to not take anyone seriously, forgive and move on. You can control the only one thing – You.

3. Wear what you won’t drear

I mean it. If you wear something uncomfortable, it’s going to bother you the whole evening, and you won’t be able to focus on anything. Wearing something comfortable makes you feel good in your skin and a better mood.

1. Look good. 
2.  Wear makeup or powder. 
3. Use perfume. 
4. Feel the best about yourself. 
5. Be confident about your outfit regardless of anyone’s opinion. Your outfit represents you, and mind you, dear one, there is nothing to be ashamed of it. Be you. 
6. The most precious jewel you can wear, your smile.

You should always give yourself a new chance at life every day. New day, New life. So the next time an event comes up, think about what I said and give yourself and others a chance to experience something different. Go ahead, dress pretty, and say hello. You never know where the conversation will go. But you will learn and if you are in luck, earn a good friend.

Until we meet again.

Don’t shy away.

Go down in the comments and let me know how you feel while talking to a new person for the first time.

Know you are loved.